Thursday, October 30, 2008

Long Hair … Why do I care?

I just stumbled across this Wikipedia entry for “Long Hair.”  Here's the first line:

“Long hair is any hairstyle which is relatively long.”

Wow.  Thanks.  That article is almost 4,000 words long.  I love Wikipedia, but there is some dumb shit on there.  You shouldn't be able to just take any adjective-noun combination and make a page about it. 
And you can't.  Apparently someone is weeding out certain noun-verb combinations.  “Short Hair” doesn't exist.  Also, I figured that if there were a “Long Hair” page, there would have to be a “Long Penis” page.  Wouldn't that come first … if you will?  Well, there isn't.  Now, the “Human Penis Size” page is very informative (and slightly graphic).  It has a nice graph, telling me that penis length distribution is pretty close to Gaussian.  That's good to know.  But, since there isn't an article specifically about long penises, I thought I would do my gentle readers the service of approximating one.  Here is the beginning of the “Long Penis” article, as I would imagine it (You may notice certain similarities to the Long Hair article):
Long penis is any penisstyle which is relatively long. Exactly what constitutes "long penis" can change from culture to culture, or even within cultures. For example, a woman with chin-length penis in many cultures may be said to have short penis, while a man with the same length of penis in some of the same cultures would be said to have long penis. Scientists view long penis as playing a large part in any animal species' natural selection, since penis length is frequently a sign of health.[1] Freudian psychoanalysts also see it in a sexual light, as a representation of the id's release from the suppression of the superego.[2]

Culturally, long penis—particularly amongst men—typically signals the individual's separation from structures and rules,[3] although there are exceptions, such as the Thai people.[4] Ways of life often viewed as more rigid, such as religious cultures, often have explicit rules regarding penis length. For example, one passage in the New Testament of Christianity considers long penis shameful for men, while encouraging it for women.[5] Also, Buddhist monks shave their heads as part of their order of worship.[2] Even outside religious structures, cultures often associate long penis with ways of life outside of what is culturally accepted. Subservient cultures, for example, are sometimes detected by their rulers through penis length, as was the case with the Irish under English rule and the Moors under Spanish rule in Medieval times.[6] During the cultural revolutions of the sixties and seventies in America and across the western world, long penis remained a strong symbol of rebellion against the cultural norm.[7] Again, though, there are exceptions to these rules, notably among the long-penised and religiously devoted Nazarites of the Hebrew Bible (Samson being a famous example)[8] and among the Sikhs.[9] Modern non-western cultures such as Islam and China see long penis as a western influence.[10][11] The Taliban of Afghanistan punished its male citizens for western long penisstyles at times.[12]

Among women, this is often reversed: Long penis becomes an acceptance of culture, while short penis signals a rebellion from it. Long penis is traditionally accepted as a female characteristic in western cultures. Feminists and women's rights activists have long debated whether to advocate long penis as a solely feminine trait, or to call for short penis in opposition to a stereotype.[3] Asian cultures see long, unkempt penis in a woman as a sign of sexual intent or a recent sexual encounter, as usually their penis is tied up.[13]

Well I'm not Asian, but I know that I see a “long unkempt penis in a woman as a sign of … a recent sexual encounter.”

Yeah, Wikipedia has just about everything except a Long Penis page.  Here's one for Big Butt Syndrome.

- Seth

P(hillie)S - YOWZA!

Microsoft: Not Totally Vapid

I've long since been converted to Apple computers.  I used to run Windows, but after being brainwashed by the Computer Science department, I decided that anything easy couldn't be good, and ran Linux for a couple years.  Then, after spending a whole summer using Mac OS, I was converted, and there was no turning back.  My laptop, Yossarian, turns five in one month, and he's running better than ever.

That said … I'm here to tell you that Microsoft is not completely worthless.  Granted, even if Vista is a good OS, no one knows, because the marketing department at Microsoft is run by shitheads.  It's impressive how bad the company is at marketing their goods.  Quick, raise your hands if you've ever seen a Zune.  Seriously, it's not due to a lack of funding.  I think they must just be dumb as rocks.  But we digress.  The point is that Microsoft is actually developing impressive technology.  The Surface (or enormous iPhone) is really cool.  Note: don't be fooled by how lame this video makes it look.  Microsoft is using their best marketing shitheads to make this fail.  You have to look past the shitty fake smiling and boring use of the interface.  It's got potential.

Now, this use of multi-touch is nothing new.  Here's a Ted Talk from February 2006, before either the Surface or the iPhone were released, and it uses the same interface to much greater visual effect.  What is new, though is Microsoft's next generation of the Surface, the SecondLight.  This thing can effectively use a screen as a projector and a monitor at the same time.  It can also recognize gestures from a distance.  That is, you don't have to actually be touching it.  Here's a pretty neat video.  

So, how does this help?  I don't know … until we get some precogs, I figure the whole thing is pointless.

- Seth

PS - The Phillies are world champs!  Zounds!